ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just send me my own nude
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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