And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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