Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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