saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
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pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
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I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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