He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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