This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
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i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
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CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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