Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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