you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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