and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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