Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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