I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
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Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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