Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
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Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
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Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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