He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
This is the prime rib incident all over again
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Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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