I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize