My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
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