He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize