you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
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Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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