textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize