you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
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