I can text with my tongue
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
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Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
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I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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