I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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