I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize