For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize