My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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