Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
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about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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