this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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