im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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