I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
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he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
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Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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