Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
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This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
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coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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