he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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