White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
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