I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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