I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
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I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
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I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So I just went to clothing optional bar
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