running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
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I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
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Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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