'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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