She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize