hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
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Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
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And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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