The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
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I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
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I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
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