the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
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your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
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yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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