Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize