Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize