I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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