The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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