I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
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Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize