Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize