I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
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On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
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Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize