you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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