Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
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My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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