Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize