i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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