i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize